Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
