After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
