so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
