I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
