I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
