Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He better not be in your backpack
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
