Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
