Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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