Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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