She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
