i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
