How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
