"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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