Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
