I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
