Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
