you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
