hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
