420 ftw
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
