I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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