I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
