She announced her abortion via fbk
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
