Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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