i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
