The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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