God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
