Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
