I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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