I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
