I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
