I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
