whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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