So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
