dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I supernannyed him into submission
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
