would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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