im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
