Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
