I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
