You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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