I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
