Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
