I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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