what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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