Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
