I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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