I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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