Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
