You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
