I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
