Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
