I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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