i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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