my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
