If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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